I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but I randomly (honestly — I don’t even know WHAT made me think of this person) decided to Google an old classmate of mine.  I think it was because I needed something to distract me (like celebrity gossip) but since I’d already perused the Daily Mail and PopSugar websites today, I opted for something else and randomly (seriously — I was classmates with this person in middle school and some of high school, where I suppose she was somewhat of a celebrity) thought of L.S.  Now, I haven’t seen/heard about/thought of this girl since I was jealous of her perfect highlights back in high school and all of sudden, there she was on my screen, looking like the girl I remembered but… not.  She wasn’t the ‘popular’ girl wearing cool clothes anymore — she was ENGAGED (getting married NEXT WEEK, coincidentally) and she looked like a woman, not a girl, and she almost looked … motherly.

Of course, being the obsessive snoop I am, I looked through her engagement photos on her “wedding website” (or whatever those are called — how would I know since I’m nowhere near getting married!) and it was so strange to see her looking so in love and … happy.  Weirder still was finding out she was a kindergarten teacher and passionate about children.  My mind was exploding — She CARES about things besides being cool?  How is it that she’s graduated from college and completed an internship when I’m just getting back on my feet after flunking out from a top university because of severe depression?

I decided to Google a couple of other girls from middle school, girls I thought would amount to nothing more than going on to becoming slutty sorority sisters after which they would become salesgirls at Wet Seal and eventually become sad, overly-made up former party girls.  NOTHING OF THE SORT — one of the girls I Googled had also gotten engaged recently (I think she already got married) and the other was at school, after taking time off to be a missionary overseas.

Now I know that it’s normal to be shocked or surprised or curious about former classmates, but I guess it kind of blew my mind because:

a) I don’t have a Facebook or any other social media account (yes, I am that solitary old-school adherent who prefers not to share my life online)

b) I’ve spent the past 5 years thinking nothing mattered/humans are crap/I would inevitably off myself

So to see that these girls, these girls who seemingly had no values or sense of direction or depth as human beings, had grown out of their self-important ways, while I, once so disciplined and overly conscientious for my age, had disintegrated into being a sullen teenager with no concrete aspirations made me feel funny.

I don’t like talking about the past years of my life, or acknowledging where I am right now in that slow path to recovery (ew, I even hate the sound of that phrase — “path to recovery”; hell, I even hate that term “recovery”, so vague and insufficient), but I’ll say that I’m glad that at least my world didn’t shatter, my heart drop into an abyss, when I saw how these former classmates had been getting along with their lives while mine stood still; because that (the world shattering, heart dropping) is what would have happened previously and it (to put it mildly) sucked ass.

I lost a lot and it’s weird (but again, thankfully not painful) to acknowledge the losses (which is why I avoid it — period).  I don’t contemplate or plan or imagine — and that’s been working for me for the past few months.  I think I’m realizing I’m ready to set goals and want to accomplish things again, to have dreams and plans and people — friendships, relationships — in my life again.  I used to think it would be a huge “Hallelujah, I’m healed!” moment, but of course it wasn’t, just years of anger and frustration and pity commingled with despair.  It seems like an appropriate ending to this conversation would be “C’est la vie” but that is bullshit, and I’m okay with it being bullshit (wow, now I sound like I’m pontificating — or whatever the term I can’t recall right now).  I still want a *profound* quote to end this post, though…

(Never mind — I’m tired and the only quotes that come to mind are from the Sex and the City episodes I’ve been watching lately, which, as profound as they are, all relate to romance)

More later?


YES — I think I finally found on-campus housing.  I was getting really worked up about it today and ended up bawling from the stress of it commingled with the residual sadness over the death of my pooch.

Anyways, here’s my to-do list for tomorrow:

1) Access Charles Schwab account because I have no dinero left

2) Seal the deal on housing for next quarter (assuming the girl renting replies to my e-mail)

3) Do some cardio (I’ve discovered I’m a cardio junkie — I guess I’ve always been? since I’ve always enjoyed running the most at that point when your muscles are fatigued, and it’s kind of like a comfortable tiredness you feel)

4) Find a job for the rest of summer… because I have no dinero left (see 1)

5) Watch lectures for Intro to Databases course — at least it’ll give me something to talk about when I have dinner with M.P. on Thursday (speaking of which, confirm details of dinner via e-mail)

6) I think that other online course begins tomorrow.. I should probably check that out

I think I need to declare a new New Year* for me.  Why should I have to wait until January 1st to claim that this is going to be the “best year ever” and come up with a list of a gazillion idealistic things I should already have been doing?  I want, ahem — I am going to have the best year ever.  This fall: I’m gonna go to FMOTQ and make out with 3 guys (one for every year since I last made out with someone… R.P., March? of 2010); I guess I might run a half marathon (although uhh, I kinda need moolah for this *charity* event — like 150 bucks… just so I can sweat like a pig for a couple of hours with a thousand other people); maybe I’ll throw a Halloween get-together!  And make decorative cupcakes!


(Photo courtesy of reciperoll.com)

Oh wow — how adorable are these?!


I like Frankie’s nostrils.

More later.

*The date of which will be decided upon later.

So, I made this blog years ago and forgot it existed until a couple of weeks ago, when I tried to make a new WordPress account using the exact same username/e-mail address and discovered it already existed.  I made the account the (not-so-terrific) summer I spent on campus, which was also the summer of the 2010 World Cup (during which– apparently… — Sergio Ramos was my favorite player).


Sergio Ramos (currently). I didn’t even recognize him without the hair! There’s probably a pot belly hidden under his jersey now… what happens when the magic of the World Cup has gone.

Anyways, I’m resuscitating this here blog to document the craptastic tales of my everyday life, which, of late, has been really crappy, not just by my general post-D standards, but by ‘normal’ people standards: My pooch, the world’s most adorable Doberman ever to have existed, passed away last week after 12 long years of wonderfully amusing and lovable memories together.  I miss her (if you’ve never known the love that comes from owning a dog, at least consider that so many aspects of my day-to-day routine revolved around her, all of which are now gone), but I won’t dwell on that here.

Instead, expect rants about the frustrating administration at my school (can you say — or spell for that matter — inane…?), musings on the continual repercussions of having been depressed (along with constant complaints about the injustice of it all), and random story-telling sessions interspersed with over-the-top plans for my (I-guess-now-existent) future (i.e. grad school?  potential relationships?  my best bikini body ever???).  I want to actually keep an up-to-date blog for once, so wish me luck, and drop me a note if you are so inclined!!!



P.S. In honor of the release of Inception…

Joseph Gordon-Levitt!

Still so cute!


Miss Priss

I’ve been watching old episodes of Glee today, and I love Quinn Fabray (played by Dianna Agron)’s make-up look!  Her skin is always flawless and dewy-looking and she wears falsies (false eyelashes) that are subtle yet have a big impact on her face.

Note the lengthy eyelashes!

She still looks gorgeous (if not more so!) when she’s crying (Dianna Agron’s really good at faux crying).

Quinn Fabray isn’t the only character with gorgeous skin, though- Rachel Berry (Lea Michele) has the most amazing skin EVER:


Grrr, it’s so frustrating!- I’d like to post other photos of Rachel depicting how great her skin is, as well as photos of Santana (Naya Rivera), who has legs that I covet, but it’s SO time consuming to find good photos on Google, re-name and insert them here, format the post, etc. etc.

(FYI: Santana’s the Cheerio on the right)

I’ll try to spend time finding photos tomorrow, since my eyes are so tired right now from all the computer use today, but I’ll leave y’all with photos of the cast in their ‘off-screen’ time:

Lea Michele and Mark Salling

Dianna Agron and Lea Michele (just out of curiosity, who do you think is prettier???)

Dianna and Lea looking very business-like

That’s all for now- night!


Miss Priss